PC News and Game Reviews

Get the fucking finger out! What is going on in Valve? I’m sure after the Left 4 Dead success they are busy shooing the crack whores out the door, and dusting off the cut Nicaraguan from their laptops! And I don’t mean Pablo…but srsly…gief HLEp3 nows!! (Thanks, Wow. And fuck off too)

After a recent stint abroad, and much to lament when I returned home, I fired up the hog and searched the fragged HD for some HL! Defrag done, 3 days later, HL fired up, waffles in the toaster. Bam! Seeing the G-man’s scaly skin gave me a colossal chubbie! I know everyone harps on about Half Life..but fuck me. It’s better than sex. I didn’t bother playing HL2 again, just Ep1 and Ep2 to top up the veins with Valve goodness.

The other day after another harsh non-win non-sense! Versus game in L4D I was : “like, omg like, gief me some HL, something that I can pwn and still love!”. Portal was as far as I got. “Lul!” Well I love Portal too. What can I say? I downloaded about 34,000 maps and played through them. (It was 3 actually - Ed) And the Valve goodness again pumped in my wretched surly veins.

I keep clicking ‘My Games’ tab in Steam to see if HLEp3 just happens to materialise-fuck-out-of-thin-fuck-air. (Thanks, Lewis Black) But to no avail.

Like having no molo to fight tank. What?

Half-Life 2: Episode Three is the third of a series of stand-alone episodes based on HL2, the popular and acclaimed shooter epic.
Genre: First-Person Shooter
Publisher: Valve
Developer: Valve
Release Date: TBA 2010
MSRP: $19.95
Exclusively on: PC
ESRB: RP-M+

(Thanks, Google) GTFO.

Beef